Category: mental health, behavioural change

Managing grief and loss

Published on by Helen MartinLeave a comment

Last Saturday, my father passed away after suffering from cancer for over 2 years.

My initial response was to tell everyone I was ‘fine’ and to think about how I would juggle business commitments around funeral arrangements.

We all process grief and loss in quite different ways. For me, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, dealing with change, or being made redundant at work, my logical brain kicks in and, ‘I just want to get on with it’.

My stoicism is how my logical brain protects me from any state of overwhelm or feeling that I am on an uncontrollable and emotional roller coaster.

However, putting on a brave face for the world means I don’t give myself any time to grieve and I have been guilty of ‘knee-jerk’ decisions, based on how I was feeling at the time.

This time however, I took the ‘out of character’ decision to slow down, reflect, accept and enjoy tearful moments and understand that the world keeps on turning whether I am fully present, or not.

As a coach, I often use the Kubler-Ross ‘5 stages of grief’ or the ‘change curve model’ to discuss change and loss, which are:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed this model to offer insights into how people cope with illness and dying. The stages however are not a linear and predictable progression, as some may believe, and are not a reflection of how people grieve. I have felt tiredness, exhaustion and acceptance this week but, not necessarily in that order.

This week, I am learning more about myself by being mindful, embracing my emotions, rather than searching for facts and logic. This process feels uncomfortable because ‘old habits die hard’ and unlearning is much harder than learning anything new.

Whether you have lost a loved one, are dealing with redundancy, or are managing massive change in your life:

  • give yourself the space and time to reflect and grieve.
  • talk to friends and family about how you’re feeling and, where necessary, seek professional help.
  • try to get sleep and rest.
  • accept that you may feel many emotions before you can learn to accept the situation and move on at your own pace.
  • be kind to yourself.

‘Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.’

Enjoy your health, time with your family, vacations, friends, etc, today. Enjoy life!

RIP Dad – 22.10.1939 to 29.05.2021

How healthy will your workforce be post Covid-19?

Published on by Helen MartinLeave a comment

For years, companies have been reticent to allow staff to WFH (work from home) because they believed the nature of their work, would make it impossible.

82 days later and the WFH exercise has been so successful that a client mentioned, this week, that their productivity has risen 25% since lockdown.

A 25% increase in productivity sets alarm bells off in my head, as people have been navigating the boundary, or lack thereof, between work and home. Issues brought to coaching include increased stress, not being able to switch off, not having enough personal time.

So whilst the exercise is proving ‘positive’ for many companies, for many people, it may have failed.

Human beings are creatures of habit. Just note how quickly we have changed our behaviour.

An early rise and 1 hour commute, is now a later rise, breakfast and an early start. That two hour commute every day, is now an additional week at the office,…every month. And, with little other entertainment e.g. meeting friends, going to the gym, or to the theatre; it’s no wonder that after only 82-days of WFH, that people are feeling frazzled.

Behaviour can change in as little as three months. People just need to be given the tools to change (in this case, broadband, computer equipment that communicates to company systems, and a place to sit comfortably and quietly). But, people also need reassurance that what they are doing, and how they are doing it, is right.

The Western world has had little to no experience dealing with change of this calibre, so it’s no surprise that we’ve given people the tools but we haven’t told them how to use them.

Self-belief is vital to success. If we gave an overweight person, food and a diet plan, but we omitted to tell them the quantities that they should eat, their weight may stay the same; in fact their weight may increase and they would become despondent.

I’ll leave you with these thoughts:

How healthy will your workforce be (mentally and physically) when Covid-19 is a thing of the past?

Have you ensured that your staff has the tools to WFH, given them instructions of how to use them and reassured them that they are on the right track?

I am happy to discuss this topic and share findings of my masters thesis (part of the MSc. Coaching and Behavioural Change, 2018), titled ‘Changing behaviour in 3-months’.